The 10 Commandments of Being a Courteous Comment Spammer

As someone who runs several websites, I can’t even begin to tell you how much time I spend dealing with comment spam. While most of it gets swept up by the invaluable Akismet plug-in, there are plenty of comments that seem to trickle through.

While some comment spammers are creative and/or thoughtful (making it kind of apparent that they might have at least read your article’s title) there are plenty of comment spammers that just need to go away and never return. Obviously, that’s who I’ve directed this post towards.

So without further ado, here are the 10 Commandments of Being a Courteous Comment Spammer:

  1. THOU SHALL NOT USE BOTS OR PROGRAMS. If you’re going to spam someone’s site you should at least have the common courtesy to do it in person. Help bump up the site’s traffic stats by making an appearance on the site, leave your comment and then be on your merry little way.
  2. THOU SHALL NOT LEAVE THE SITE UNTIL YOU’VE PAID YOUR TITHE. Essentially you’re wasting the site admin’s time by forcing them to read your comment and decide whether or not they’re going to let you comment spam. Also, don’t forget the fact that you’re trying to steal traffic from their site, so it seems to me that you can help compensate the site admin for their time and your traffic thievery by clicking on something that will make them a bit of money. Now, in the spirit of not being fraudulent, I’m going to assume that you’re going to click on an advertising link that actually interests you.
  3. THOU SHALL NOT POST IRRELEVANT COMMENTS. Seriously, at least pretend that you’re trying to add something of value. Don’t just post something that says “great site” or “I definitely agree.” God forbid you actually post something that sounds smart. Who knows, maybe if you post something that adds to the article or post you’ll actually generate good traffic leads.
  4. THOU SHALL NOT BAR OTHER COMMENT SPAMMERS FROM COMMENT SPAMMING YOU. I guess this is sort of along the same lines of “judge not lest ye be judged.” So, with that in mind, if someone allows you to comment spam their site, give a dog a bone should they choose to return the “favor” and hit you back.
  5. THOU SHALL NOT INCLUDE MORE THAN ONE LINK TO YOUR SITE(S). There’s no need for you to leave even three or four links in your comment spam. All you get is the little URL box. One and done.
  6. THOU SHALL NOT LEAVE MULTIPLE SPAM COMMENTS. Again, one and done, that’s all you get. The only exception would be if you were posting a legit follow up to someone else’s comment. Other than that, you’re cut off.
  7. THOU SHALL NOT EMAIL THE SITE ADMIN UPON FINDING OUT YOUR COMMENT SPAM HAS BEEN REJECTED OR DELETED. Seriously, don’t waste time with a “hey, I noticed my comment isn’t showing up on your site” email. It was probably deleted for a reason; that reason being the site admin didn’t appreciate your comment spam. Chances are a follow up isn’t necessary.
  8. THOU SHALL NOT COMMENT SPAM THE SAME SITES EACH AND EVERY DAY. Come up with some sort of site rotation so that you’re not constantly hitting up the same sites over and over. You’re probably far more likely to find a forgiving site admin if you comment spam once every two weeks as opposed to twice a day.
  9. THOU SHALL NOT INCLUDE IRRELEVANT LINKS IN YOUR COMMENT SPAM. Let’s say you’re trying to comment spam a site that deals with gardening – do you really think it’s worth it to try and sneak in some comment spam if you’re linking to your car insurance site? Probably not. Now, if you’re linking to your gardening tools site, that’s a completely different story.
  10. THOU SHALL ASK FOR A RECIPROCAL LINK BEFORE COMMENT SPAMMING. Being included in someone’s blog roll will probably generate as much traffic as comment spamming and it’s far less annoying. Try going this route first before you waste everyone’s time.

While following these commandments certainly won’t guarantee that your comment spam won’t be deleted, they certainly should help you sway a site admin to let your comment spam pass through.

Especially if you follow commandment number two.

Comments

  1. Wolf Halton says

    Hi Brian!
    I loved this post. I never, ever get blog spam. I guess I am not famous enough to be different. Only one person ever made a comment at all. I have anti-blog-spammed you. How that works is that I have already added you to my blog-roll, and I do not want a reciprocal link. Google isn’t fooled by reciprocal links at all, and they don’t count as “incoming” if they are reciprocal. This being the case, I am not going to tell you the name of my blog, you can probably find it by searching your own name in quotes. There you are, on the first page of my blog above James Brausch, who is my only other linked business blog. I do not have a reciprocal from Brausch either.
    The way this game would be played is that you now go promote a site where your url is not displayed, and ask that site owner to do the same. Or, you ask a friend to mention MY blog when or if you find it. These links are then all seen by google as incoming/nonreciprocal

    Regards,
    Wolf

    PS If you actually find my blog and for some unlikely reason “Want to post there” do not use a return URI or my efforts here are for nothing. Of course you could just delete this anti-spam immediately. 🙂

  2. This was a hoot! As a new intern in James Brausch’s program, I looked at his video for today’s procedure on commenting on blogs and came to yours. Imagine my surprise – and my amusement – at the blog entry that greeted my eyes! I too, have read some blogs where the comment is completely off-post and irrelevant, Kudos to you for your 10 Commandments!

  3. Also irritating is comments that contain links only and nothing else. I had a blog several years ago. Someone somehow got a hold of my blog and would just spam it with links. The blog was moderated but it still took me quite a while to delete the spam. I would get about 50 or so posts a day. That was so irritating.

  4. Graeme Davidson says

    Absolutely brilliant post here. I myself have had a blog up and running now for around 6 months and most of the comments on it are reasonable……most.
    Some like to slag me off, and as you say some just say “Nice post” Thank you for the wonderful insight there!

    I find that I get a lot of “bot” spamming too and wonder where this all comes from. Of course, these are easily deleted and never cause me any concern (especially now I have added a plugin that seems to caused a major downturn in me getting these ridiculous “Buy Viagra cheap” comments).

    Creating an interesting community online should be what it is all about. For instance, I have just found your blog through searching for like minded professionals like myself and used the search term “new business blog” as I work for a digital agency and I am very interested to see what other new business individuals are blogging about each day.

    I have found your blog very interesting and shall reading all of your back-issues lol.

    Cheers

    Graeme

  5. @ ross.
    That’s is state of the art of blogging 😛

  6. Great blog and oh so true.

    I can’t believe the rubbish that people try to get away with posting on blogs so I introduced an official blog comment policy.

    Who wants to publish rubbish because all it does is encourage even more people to leave comment spam on blogs, creating a bigger and bigger problem.

    Proper commenting on blogs can help drive traffic to another site, either because the post is of such clear and obvious value the reader is impressed, the comment introduces the lure of extra RELEVANT information on another site and some blogs are even brave enough to use “do follow” tags to reward commentators who add value.

  7. I too have a business blog and a couple of other blogs and really appreciated reading your comments here and although it is really irritating to have to keep removing spam this did at least make me smile. I have just installed askimet on my sites so am waiting to see how this now works – cheers

  8. WarhawkFAN says

    LOL

    This article was funny. I just started a blog as well, and luckily, I haven’t received spam yet. I really liked the 4th Commandment. It made me spill my milk. :p

    Cheers.

  9. The rules are sound. A good percentage of sites that you think should have a blogs, don’t because people do not follow these rules.

    I hope those that have blogs include this list and give you a link.

  10. Jerry Murphy says

    This is a great article, I agree that there are ways to be a curtious comment maker. Thanks so much for the information, I will be sure and share this with everyone I know..

    -Jerry

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  14. This was so funny and yet sensible! I am a bit of a n00b so I don’t even have Comment Spam on my site (yet??). But I also didn’t even think of such a thing happening because I thought the Askimet plug-in would grab it!

    Thank you so much for posting these commandments 🙂 and for having really helpful content in general – I’m off to read the post on Affiliate Classroom now – I have it but have not started yet!
    Leanne

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